Refreshing Honesty from the Other Half:

CONFESSION FROM A FORMER HOMOSEXUAL

A former homosexual speaks out about homosexuality
and the politics of dishonesty



By Richard Weller

March 28, 2002

NewsWithViews.com



When I was 17 years old I was recruited into the gay lifestyle by an older homosexual man. Like so many young people who get drawn into homosexuality, I was lonely, naive and vulnerable. My father was an alcoholic. My self-esteem was very low. I was easy prey for anyone who was willing to exploit my need for a fathers love.

It started as a conversation in a Greyhound Bus Depot, and ended eleven years and six homosexual relationships later.

I tried imitating others when they said they were born gay, I would say "me too"! It seemed an easy way to get people to accept us. If we were born gay that took away any personal responsibility for our behavior and made people feel sorry for us. All along though, we knew it was a convenient lie.

I love and respect myself today, but I hate the things that I used to do. Homosexual sexuality is perverse and unhealthy, both physically and emotionally. We put on such a respectable image, but inside we were miserable and ashamed. Like many young gays, I tried to commit suicide because I didn't think there was a way out.

Today I am living proof that homosexuals can and do change. I was as deep in the lifestyle as anyone. I spent nine years with my piano teacher and even thought about getting "married." I was 100% gay, now I am 100% recovered from that sick and twisted life. They call it "gay", but I wasn't gay at all, I was miserable. I can't think of a more miserable way of life.

Some people believe that compassion for homosexuals means approving of their lifestyle, but I thank God that others still have the guts to insist that it's wrong, otherwise I might still be trapped. Every time I hear someone talk approvingly of homosexuality, or see them go along with the idea of "gay rights" it breaks my heart, because I know it's like slamming the escape door on so many. It is especially painful to watch the radical gays manipulate their own parents and relatives into endorsing the gay political agenda.

Though I am 46 years old now, and I left the "gay life" when I was 29, the media "spin" on homosexuality makes me feel that I can't stay silent anymore! It's time for someone who knows the real truth from the "inside" to step forward and tell it like it is. I am just one of many ex-gays in Oregon. Perhaps if I speak up, they will overcome their fears and do likewise.

I support, and am very concerned about Lon Mabon, of our Oregon Citizens Alliance. He has been in jail now for over 35 days, partly for not paying a judgment against the OCA incurred by a lesbian rights activist. Lon has challenged the judges oath and was thrown into jail for civil contempt. The gay rights activist claims that harm was done to her when she was forced to leave an OCA meeting. The criminal trespass issue was not allowed to be brought up in court. The judge was biased.

When I needed help, Lon Mabon and the OCA were there for me. Lon never judged or hated me, instead, he helped me. I came to them because of a measure they were supporting to stop a minority classification for homosexuality. There was a lot of media attention given to this issue. From my own personal experience I new that the OCA was defending the truth, while the opposition was very dishonest. I was still struggling with depression and fear because of my past, and trying to stop two "gay" pedophiles that I knew were molesting boys.

The people at the OCA were very helpful with literature, and a video about the root causes of homosexuality. The video had a pastor talking about similarities in the childhood of many homosexuals and gender identity confusion. It was all a revelation to me, and I had to fight back tears while watching it. I came to realize that I had a deep need for a father/son relationship which drew me into what I now call the gay "death"-style. Keep in mind that it is very important that a boy bond with his father when he is three years old, and start to identify with men. The mother must give the boy to his father! (This prevents gender identity confusion)

Here are a few of the many things that homosexuals have in common from their childhood. An absentee or abusive father. (In my case too, I hated the way he treated my mother - and many times wanted to run away from home) A dad that abuses drugs or alcohol, or a has a sexual problem. (i.e. infidelity, adultery) Or a step-father they did not bond with. There are many that had a domineering willful mother, and a weak passive wimpy approval seeking father. Acquaintances with this background tell me that people say to them "you're just like your mother!" It is painful, but educational, to listen to the testimonies. Some say "mom was still giving me a bath when I was 8 years old." Or "I was still sleeping with mom when I was 10 years old." This kind of thing is becoming more common as there are many single mothers raising sons. It is important for everyone to know what sexual predators are looking for, because we can help kids to be "recruit-proof."

The recent revelations about the boys molested by Catholic homosexual priests is cause for alarm and had the Catholic hierarchy not covered up for these deviant priests, many future abuse cases could have been prevented saving the church millions in lawsuits which have already been settled and future lawsuits yet to be filed.

I will forever be grateful to Lon Mabon and the Oregon Citizens Alliance. It could be any one of us who finds the courage to stand up against the political agenda of homosexuals that could be thrown in jail, like Mr. Mabon. People, please understand, THE ISSUE IS CHILD PROTECTION. While collecting signatures on OCA petitions, I carried a sign that had "protect children from homosexuality" written on it. Nothing made the gays and lesbians more angry! Why?! Do they want kids to experiment with dangerous and unhealthy behavior? I can tell you from my own personal experience, the truth is not in them.

Please, do not misunderstand me. If you are gay, or you know someone that is, don't give up hope! There are many ex-gays like myself who would like to help.

Recommended resource: 7 Steps to Recruit-Proof Your Child by Scott Lively. (www.abidingtruth.com) We must face the truth! Gays recruit! (As always, not all gays)

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Prop. 8 of California

"Dike..." Been There, Done That.

As a former Lesbian I am responding to the voices in the community which are published. What perplexes me is I've found no balanced voices explaining why Prop. 8 passing really wasn’t a “bad” thing. I understand the feelings Gays have. I’ve been there. I felt that I was in love with someone of the same sex, twice, and wished to marry both if I could have. Being where I am now, I’m glad marriage couldn’t happen. My examination of the true reality in homosexual relationships reveals that the complimentation which occurs between members of the opposite sex cannot be paralleled by Gays. "Love" with pretense is a lie. Homosexual coupling always creates a scenario where one party plays out being like the other gender. (It's no surprise that many actors support homosexuality being that they're accustomed to pretending.) Moreover, I have personally witnessed the damage that children raised by homosexuals experience. Reality is that two people of the same sex can not honestly form polarity, the magnetic bond of true union. With our love and discernment in this vote we have prevented Gays from legally complicating things for themselves and future generations.

The Church that Changed Me

Radiant Light of San Francisco with Reverend Matt Garrigan was a huge influence on me when I was 18 years old. I was barely an adult and I remember myself now, as I was then, being like a huge blank canvas that was unwittingly painted in the colors of this church. I'm not sure this happens to every budding homosexual; but this exposure to the Gay Community is the real root of what would be over a 10 year experience with homosexual inclinations. I am referring to this church here because I see Radiant Light as the supreme influence that altered me beyond recognition to even my family and spawned my total acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle. It's funny how deceptive it is to see homosexuals openly accepted in a group setting. The instinct to be like the crowd and condone what appears to be "the norm" is exceptionally influential. This is in fact what homosexuals appear to be striving for by fighting for more and more "rights". Remember, I was only 18 as my world was turned upside down by Matt Garrigan. He was a very magnetic speaker. Being gay himself, he drew a predominantly gay crowd. I find it most alarming now that this minister doesn't even claim to be the source of his own sermons. Matt Garrigan refers to his messages as being "channelled" that some other speaker is talking through him. Well, who is this other speaker? Does it alarm anybody that some unaccountable entity is influencing this whole group? Anyway, everyone there seemed to be totally enamored with him and I guess I was too. The more time I spent around the group the more I wanted to fit in. As I witnessed lesbian couples hugging and kissing in front of me, I began to accept that maybe there was love there. I would later learn that lust is different than love.

Over-Tolerance and Homosexuality

My perception is that we are in fact promoting homosexuality on some level, and our culture is responsible for today's rampant spread of "alternative life styles". If no-one speaks out against the movement to infiltrate the very structure of our nuclear families how will we be affected? How will the homosexual philosophy of indiscriminate acceptance alter our natural order?

My concern is that it is the children who will suffer.
I am fortunate enough to have a friend who was raised by lesbians. He has confessed intimately to me how it affected him. I have no words to describe the pain he is in.
Is that what we accept as a society?
It is my hope those who come to use discernment and non-judgemental discrimination may help those who are suffering from today's epidemic.

I hope this sheds some light for those who are questioning and maybe saves some grief for others who are in imperil.

Exploration of Gender

Does not nature dictate to us our gender with the body we are born with?

Isn't it lying to ourselves and denying our very nature to believe anything else?

I find it unfortunate that anyone suffers from confusion about who they are, but it does not surprise me.

As a society we have been fighting the traditional gender roles since the dawn of woman's liberation and as a result homosexuality has become an epidemic that is spreading like wild fire. There are those who will argue that homosexuality was always this prevalent, but what is not understood is that it is only experimentation which has always been prevalent, not homosexuality.

The whole face of male/ female relationships was altered in the 1960's. Homosexuality got a foot hold in our society with the advent of woman's liberation and the cult was formed. (I will delve into the cult like nature of homosexuality in the future).

Today our youth are actually encouraged to become homosexual if they show any signs of confusion about their sexuality. It is homosexuals who spread the lie that we are all bi-sexual and they go so far as claiming that any one who doesn't admit their bi-sexual nature is in "denial".

Why shouldn't today's youth be confused about their gender when marriages are failing constantly and divorce is common place? The role modeling that should be instilled by the traditional "nuclear family" has been de-stabilized and the current generation is under more influence by Gays than ever before in history. (Today even Disney is largely under Gay influence as is the whole Fashion Industry).

Why are we re-defining the natural balance of our households?

I am ecstatic that the Patriarchal era crumbled, just as the Matriarch had to end; however, are we going to live in harmony as male and female with respectful relationship, or are we headed for further imbalance? Is the truth of polarity (the law of magnetic attraction) not the lesson these two era's should have taught us? In fact we belong together as male and female.

My mother has enlightened me to the instinctual roles of men and women. Her view holds that Men are the Hunter/Gatherers and Women are more naturally the Nurtures/ Caretakers.

Why have we as a society become uncomfortable with our very instincts?

The Nature of Confusion

My own research on the nature of confusion reveals to me that this condition is the result of not choosing between two options. Does this make sense to you? If things are really black and white....good/bad...what works/what does not work...why is there confusion? I believe it is our inability to accept apples as apples and oranges as oranges. After all, this is what the ego is supposed to be used for. Our ego's purpose is to help the mind see an apple as an apple and an orange as an orange and figure out which we'd prefer to eat. With this ability we are able to appreciate the differences between things and enjoy them, or not enjoy them. We are given the ability to discern between two options and to discriminate. Discrimination, to me, is not this harsh reality of "non-acceptance". For me discrimination is as simple as saying "NO." We live in a world which seems increasingly unsettled by this word "no", as if "no" is some sort of personal offense. To me, saying "no" implies nothing more than stating, "this is not what I wish to experience". A "no" is not personal, it does not mean you are bad, or you are wrong. No simply means "this is not appropriate". At this point I am no longer afraid to say..."this is not appropriate", or "this does not work for me". I will admit that applying discernment in my perceptions has allowed me to see myself as different. This is not the kind of "different" that my homosexual friends have encouraged me to be. Today, I see myself as "different" because I am a girl and girls are different than boys. To me what could be better than accepting myself as I am? (A girl). Nothing has been more painful for me than to wake up in a deceitful (lying to myself) relationship where I was pretending to be in a role that belongs to those who are male. In my experience I have found that this is the lie that all homosexuals are playing out. In every relationship, one is more "male"... the other more "female". In reality, a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl and neither one, or the other can do any more than pretend to be the other.

Are you confused?

In my previous post I emphasized the stage in my life where I became convinced homosexuality was not negative. The girl who I knew as a teenager never developed a sexual relationship with me. My experiences that immediately followed during that period of time were actually of a heterosexual nature. I would not be thrown into "confusion" again until I was a very young adult and that is the point where the illusion of homosexuality veiled my identity and altered the direction of my life (The Gay Church experience).

I hope to reach out to those who are confused. I wish that my story was enough to dispel all the confusion in the world. Confusion is evident to me as being the root of my homosexual experiences. My altered identity began with confusion and while I am not religious, I find it very alarming that confusion is believed in so many cultures to be one of the primary weapons of evil. So my question is...why do so many homosexuals start out confused? This is a question I implore you to investigate.

In the Beginning

I remember how it all began... despite not knowing what really was beginning to occur during the dawn of my personal confusions. I had always been a Tom Boy. I recall how I wished as a young child that I had been born a boy. For whatever reason, I was extremely uncomfortable with my identity as a girl; nevertheless, I was not attracted to other girls as a child. I always preferred the company of boys and made myself fit in as "one of the boys" in my neighborhood. For whatever reason it was more comfortable for me to get dirty than to have a tea party. I did not identify with other girls. I was confused by them. Why did they feel the need to look pretty all the time? Why didn't they like sports? Why did I feel more comfortable with "the boys" than with "the girls"? This was how the questioning began... little did I know... there was a whole culture that would convince me that I was in fact different and shape a whole new identity for me... that of a lesbian. It is a journey that I will attempt to describe here in hopes that it will shed some light on the reality of homosexuals.

I will admit there was one lesbian like incident when I was about 8 years old where I experimented with a girl. She was my neighbor. I didn't know what I had done. I simply thought I was playing, but I did, in fact, cross a boundary with her. This violation permanently interrupted our friendship and made her extremely uncomfortable around me. At that point I concluded that these interactions must be avoided between my "girl-friends" because I realized then that the experience was detrimental. I wish I had understood this as profound wisdom at that point; however, I found myself positioned in yet another "confusing" predicament that would mislead me as a teenager. Again, I was not consciously attracted to this friend; however, at that time, my friend was very consciously attracted to me. My natural instinct (I will explore the nature of instinct later) was that I must avoid her. I found myself coming up with lies as to why she could not sleep over. I made my Dad out to be the reason that I would not spend time with her, when in fact it was my own uncomfortableness. This friend, did not relent however. She continued to pursue me aggressively. She made me tapes of love songs that made me feel guilty for lying to her. She convinced me to come to her house and talk to her. She used a back door approach to disassemble my objections to homosexuality. She succeeded in changing my position against the condition of homosexuality and convinced me that "Love is just Love" and that "love" defied gender definitions. This was the point where my powers of discernment and discretion were breached and the philosophy of "broad acceptance" was adopted. It does not surprise me that I was so easily persuaded, after all... who was I to tell her that "love was not just love"? I was 15 years old.

Does any of this sound familiar?