My own research on the nature of confusion reveals to me that this condition is the result of not choosing between two options. Does this make sense to you? If things are really black and white....good/bad...what works/what does not work...why is there confusion? I believe it is our inability to accept apples as apples and oranges as oranges. After all, this is what the ego is supposed to be used for. Our ego's purpose is to help the mind see an apple as an apple and an orange as an orange and figure out which we'd prefer to eat. With this ability we are able to appreciate the differences between things and enjoy them, or not enjoy them. We are given the ability to discern between two options and to discriminate. Discrimination, to me, is not this harsh reality of "non-acceptance". For me discrimination is as simple as saying "NO." We live in a world which seems increasingly unsettled by this word "no", as if "no" is some sort of personal offense. To me, saying "no" implies nothing more than stating, "this is not what I wish to experience". A "no" is not personal, it does not mean you are bad, or you are wrong. No simply means "this is not appropriate". At this point I am no longer afraid to say..."this is not appropriate", or "this does not work for me". I will admit that applying discernment in my perceptions has allowed me to see myself as different. This is not the kind of "different" that my homosexual friends have encouraged me to be. Today, I see myself as "different" because I am a girl and girls are different than boys. To me what could be better than accepting myself as I am? (A girl). Nothing has been more painful for me than to wake up in a deceitful (lying to myself) relationship where I was pretending to be in a role that belongs to those who are male. In my experience I have found that this is the lie that all homosexuals are playing out. In every relationship, one is more "male"... the other more "female". In reality, a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl and neither one, or the other can do any more than pretend to be the other.
Friday, November 14, 2008
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